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[25 Mar 2008|12:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
D12 - Fight Music |
] |
So many fights call to me, so many worthwhile fights. Each one is so deserving of my time, my effort, my sacrifice. My devotion can make a difference, I know I can. I've seen what I can do, what I can change. The burden of unfulfilled personal potential to create necessary social action and change weighs heavily on me tonight after a conversation with Wags and Lisa. I want to fight. I want to grab the corrupt, morally reprehensible institutions with both hands and, as Wags put it, "shake them like a baby."
I'm an activist. I can't divest myself of that, ever. It is how I was raised, it's how I find fulfillment and purpose. CN has taught me that through unrelenting effort and commitment, great strides can be made, even against the tide and even in great defiance of the forces of status quo inertia. Of course, it's also taught me how easy it is to get too obsessed with rolling the ball up the mountain that you can miss when you reach the top and and push it beyond the tipping point; before you realize it, the ball is careening down the other side towards only pain and regression.
Barbara Ehrenreich and Philip Zimbardo have left me with enough green lights that I know I should do something. I hesitate not for the vastness of the size of the fight, but because I know I don't have my shit together. If I rock the boat, I damn well better be able to swim. Right now, I don't think I can.
A year and a half off from SOS, and I'm ready to step back into the ring against my next opponent. I want it. I want to fight. I'm pissed and capable. I know I have to pick my battles carefully and knowledgeably. I find the Greek system here largely appalling, and the University's response to it only slightly less rank. I want to know that our staff at Bucknell get paid reasonable living wages and are treated well. Every instance of date rape on this campus is an instance someone could have prevented, perhaps if they had the right tools, impetus, or standing. Someone needs to upend the Counterweight and smack them about for being such vocal, decidedly near-sighted, arrogant, scornful bigots.
If I decide my life is under control enough for me to fight, I'm calling someone out, and swinging hard. Yeah, I'm idealistic and I'm fully aware how likely naive I can be sometimes. That doesn't make me wrong or impotent.
At the least, I have a new motivation for doing well in school and staying healthy.
Fin.
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|
| lol, LJ <_< |
[18 Mar 2008|11:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the endless automated stream of alt rock on WVBU |
] |
Holy crap. It's been forever (aka 39 weeks) since I've posted. Mostly ignored (though not forgotten) LJ. Came back tonight to look over some ... er.... history.
When Mady died at the end of February, I realized I had never really debriefed and explored and talked over our relationship with her, save for once briefly. It made getting over her a lot more difficult. That night I talked to Tabatha about mine and her relationship. I was determined to not let the same thing happen to the other ex's who didn't end with good and happy closure (which would be, um, let's see... Tab, Evey, Carry, and perhaps Leah though she and I ended better than anyone else). Tab and I went back over things and apologized for what we both did wrong to the other person. Won't get into details of that, but it felt great to finally do that with Tab. Her friendship is important to me, and that friendship is stronger by resolving the silent but uncomfortable residual tension of our romantic involvement. I wish I had gotten to do that with Mady.
Last night Evey IMs me. Hadn't spoken much to her this year, not really at all since Casey (her dog) died. Part of me wanted to be at the funeral, but part of me knew it wouldn't do anyone any good. When Evey and I talked, it was casual at first, and got more interesting as we went on. We talked about our respective current relationships. Eventually we started talking about our own tumultuous and bizarre failure of a relationship. Once we got into it, we almost couldn't stop. It was like everything has been wanting to be talked about for a while. We both had questions, though I think I had more. I apologized for some things and she noted plenty of stuff she did wrong (though never actually apologized for any of it >_>). It was enjoyable, at times hilarious, because we both can look back and laugh together at how ridiculous we were. I was naive and awkward, she was depressed and uncomfortable. I was too into it, and she not enough. Our communication sucked. Hell, just about all of what happened from December 03 and onward is documented here from my perspective and her LJ tells her side from the start (though we still can't really agree on when 'it' started or ended). We talked until late, and I was really glad we did.
I spent a good number of hours tonight at the radio station, uh... categorizing music. Yeah. [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<_<.>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Holy crap. It's been forever (aka 39 weeks) since I've posted. Mostly ignored (though not forgotten) LJ. Came back tonight to look over some ... er.... <i>history</i>. When Mady died at the end of February, I realized I had never really debriefed and explored and talked over our relationship with her, save for once briefly. It made getting over her a lot more difficult. That night I talked to Tabatha about mine and her relationship. I was determined to not let the same thing happen to the other ex's who didn't end with good and happy closure (which would be, um, let's see... Tab, Evey, Carry, and perhaps Leah though she and I ended better than anyone else). Tab and I went back over things and apologized for what we both did wrong to the other person. Won't get into details of that, but it felt great to finally do that with Tab. Her friendship is important to me, and that friendship is stronger by resolving the silent but uncomfortable residual tension of our romantic involvement. I wish I had gotten to do that with Mady. Last night Evey IMs me. Hadn't spoken much to her this year, not really at all since Casey (her dog) died. Part of me wanted to be at the funeral, but part of me knew it wouldn't do anyone any good. When Evey and I talked, it was casual at first, and got more interesting as we went on. We talked about our respective current relationships. Eventually we started talking about our own tumultuous and bizarre failure of a relationship. Once we got into it, we almost couldn't stop. It was like everything has been wanting to be talked about for a while. We both had questions, though I think I had more. I apologized for some things and she noted plenty of stuff she did wrong (though never actually apologized for any of it >_>). It was enjoyable, at times hilarious, because we both can look back and laugh together at how ridiculous we were. I was naive and awkward, she was depressed and uncomfortable. I was too into it, and she not enough. Our communication sucked. Hell, just about all of what happened from December 03 and onward is documented here from my perspective and her LJ tells her side from the start (though we still can't really agree on when 'it' started or ended). We talked until late, and I was really glad we did. I spent a good number of hours tonight at the radio station, uh... categorizing music. Yeah. <_<. Evey IMed me again while I was working and we got back into things. It was good to continue going through it. It's genuinely funny as hell. After 3 years, we're comfortable enough to be able to talk openly and fairly about what happened and what was good and bad. Which brings me to LJ. We didn't agree on some dates and went to LJ to check our documentation. That's what I always believed LJ was good for. Useful thing, written language is. Since I was here anyway, I figured I'd post and entry, for old time's sake. Quick overview of my life at the moment: At Bucknell University. Sophomore, double major in English and religion. dating Grace, and headed towards engagement at some point. very much in love (yeah, me the bitter cynic). i'm a DJ and on the board for the radio. member of hillel, CALVIN AND HOBBES (it's a club on campus, and it is a long arduous acronym), inactive member of FLAG&BT (our GSA), and I write and copy-edit for the paper, <i>The Bucknellian</i>. My scholarship program, <a href="http://www.possefoundation.org">Posse</a>, is still going and still wonderful. My academics are middling, my health is slowly diminishing as my heart problems resurface. In the last year, I've had 2 heart surgeries and one 'procedure,' the difference being that procedures don't involve medical instruments <i>inside</i> my body. Surgeries do. I'll likely need a third over the summer, or sooner of my health continues to get worse. It's tachycardia, btw, that's actively causing trouble. it sucks. I live in a group house for Social Justice College alumni from the residential college last year. I have a single, and I keep irregular hours. Spring break just ended and I don't want to be back. I don't really like school as much as I wish I did. I know I'm very lucky to be here. I barely play Cybernations anymore after an unfortunate dumb and arrogant mistake on my part which bit me in the ass last November. I hope in the future things will be put right in there, but it could be a long while. I play Kingdom of Loathing more than CN, and have dabbled half-heartedly in Twilight Heroes. I decidedly do not play StarCraft while at school this semester, and I indulge in the facebook game called Knighthood. On particularly frivolous occasions, I'll play a little Guitar Hero, but I'm not that good. Super Smash Brothers Brawl just came out and I can't wait to play it. I still game way too much, as you can see. I've gotten even more into ska music, and now have a ska radio show from 7:30pm to 9:30pm Wednesday evenings (Easter Time). You can listen to it live online at http://www.wvbu.com when I'm on. I also still enjoy hip-hop, rock, and many other varieties of music. Nicky, a friend from CN, got me into metal. Dragonforce is the shit. I'm okay. I'm not great, but not terrible. Emotionally functional again after dealing for a few weeks psychologically with Mady's death. My health is shifty, but I'm dealing as best as I can. My really close friends don't go to Bucknell for the most part, but I do have a handful of very wonderful and beloved friends with me here too, Sarah and Lenore being the closest of them. My Posse is on a whole other level; they're like family to me here. Six weeks until summer vacation, and a hell of a lot to get done between now and then. I probably won't write again for a long time, knowing me. That's my life, basically. Here I am. Lots different, lots the same. Naturally, I still write a lot. Just not my papers for school usually. And I still procrastinate avidly. Fin. |
|
| super summary! |
[13 Jun 2007|07:03am] |
Damn it's been a long time since I've posted here. On summer break now. Has become nocturnal. Still in love with Grace. Tachycardia heart problems better now after surgery. Has mah learners back. Addicted to Kingdom of Loathing and Cybernations. Getting job soon. Needing to be at the beach for a weekend, but no such plans yet. Brothers go off to camp in a week and three weeks, respectively. Still likes music. Miss being a DJ. Posse takes care of me.
Most condensed entry ever. Fin.
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|
| Bad Omen |
[02 Mar 2007|03:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Professor Johnson lecturing |
] |
Falling out of bed, which happens to be lofted six feet into the air, this morning was indeed as bad an omen as I thought it’d be. With that outward and physical unpleasantness came later the inward and psychological unpleasantness of getting the letter of rejection from the position of JF in my campus mailbox today. Not too happy about that. Not too happy at all. In fact I’m rather upset. My GPA is around a 2.3 giver or take. But not give too much, because then I’d have gotten the position. Yes, I needed a 2.5 in order to get the JF spot. I fell short. I knew I’d fall short, and yet I expected to get it anyway. Don’t know why. I’m just used to getting what I think I deserve. Surprise! Turns out I don’t deserve that position it would seem. I want to be mad at Kim Daubman for this, but I know I have no right to be. I want to be mad at Emily, but I recognize that emotion as jealousy, not anger. I want to be mad at Professor Jacobson, but she did more for me than I did for her, so I can’t blame her. No, the only person I have to be mad at is myself. And mad I am. So, being the English major that I am, I vent in writing.
It’s been a while since I’ve written in my LJ. Do I always come back to it with bad news? I guess I do. Oh well. When life is bad, I need LJ more. When life is good, I have no need to vent. Now is one of the bad times. I’m already mildly depressed by the heart conditions saga. Which reminds me that I need to update the list of disorders and conditions in my user-info. On top of the depression, I’m angry. I don’t deserve to be here. This school is far too good for me. I don’t fit in. I don’t understand or like the culture here. I’m not smart like my peers are. Or if I am smart, I’m not driven like my peers are. I’m lazier than my roommate. I have an unmerited sense of entitlement that I am aware of but cannot seem to shake. I like to convince myself that I’ll work later, even the I have yet to demonstrate any semblance of effort this semester. My lethargy will kill me sooner than my dying heart.
I find myself wishing Grace were here, but she doesn’t deserve to be burdened with my troubles on top of her own insecurities. She deserves to be happier than I can make her. She’d disagree, but I wish she was in love with someone who wasn’t dying. I hate knowing that she’ll outlive me by 20 years, but not nearly as much as she hates it.
What am I doing now? I don’t even know anymore. I find purpose in the trivial and irrelevant and find nothing motivating in what should be worthy endeavors. I plan to cut myself off from my vices, one by one. I don’t know if I’m strong enough though. I feel more responsibility in the context of the Legion than I do in terms of my own academic toiling. I’m in math class now, and not paying one bit of attention. I sit in the front and glance at the board from time to time, so the teacher thinks I’m paying attention and taking diligent notes. It’s a good thing I can type without looking at the keyboard too much. I can speak through my fingertips now after so many years of computer literacy.
But really: what am I doing? I’m an English major who doesn’t enjoy reading in a program that is remarkably literature-intensive. Maybe creative writing is the major for me. Perhaps I don’t know my own strengths and skills nearly as well as I thought I did. Is teaching really the right career for me? I don’t even know. I couldn’t get a position as a fucking JF. What makes me think I can get a job? What were the last jobs I had? Working at the Summer Institute? I didn’t even have the good sense or drive to make sure I got paid for that. Working for SOS as a webmaster? Horse shit. I was abominably irresponsible with that job. Irresponsible and lazy. Before that? Working at the farm stand only showed me that I hate interacting with people under pressure and I’d prefer manual labor to a cashier job. Also showed me that I can’t seem to follow simple rules.
There: I gave one answer in class today. I met my quota. “Multiply both sides by X.” That’s my decent thought for the day. Ooops. There goes another one. “Could be one half or negative one half.” Look at me! I’m excelling. <_<
I want to go home and listen to angry music. I want to go back to first semester and try again this time with less stupidity on my part. I want to play more video games. I want my girlfriend here. I want to dance. I just want the unhappy, unhealthy, and unintelligent things to all go away. Why is that too much?
And, I realize now that I did not apply enough deodorant this morning, as an added bonus.
Fin.
|
|
| Heart Surgery (x-posted from Facebook) |
[31 Jan 2007|10:52am] |
This Monday was my surgery. It went alright, and I'm recovering well, I suppose. Actually, there were complications. My heart isn't built normally. So where the doctors thought there were pathways, there were none, and there were pathways in unexpected places. I was on the operating table for 8 freakin hours as they tried to ablate (burn or freeze away) the problematic electrical pathways that caused my tachycardia. They couldn't stop it though. I did respond well to the medicine, though. So now I'm going to be on medication until further notice. Depending on how things go, they will want to do this same surgery again in 6 months to try to fix it.
My parents and Grace were with me in recovery. After the surgery I was very out of it, as a result of the anesthesia and paralytics. I was fairly miserable, but having them there made it a lot more bearable. Now I'm at home, and I've been resting a lot. I won't be able to do much physical activity for a while, and I'm really not looking forward to trying to play catch-up in my classes.
The surgery wasn't pleasant. And it wasn't entirely successful. In fact it wasn't even mostly successful. They ablated different heart parts, but to no avail. The doctors had to give up because aparently my heart is just broken.
At the very least, the Blake Beat is getting an article out of this, somehow. (They must be really pressed for ideas.)
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| The frosty low-down |
[30 Dec 2006|04:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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silence of the late night |
] |
Most of winter break has been spent enjoying being home with the comforts of my house, friends, family, Grace, and no work to be done. Oh how I love vacations. Until mid-January, I'm relaxing. Actually, if I were smart, I'd get a jump on school stuff for the new semester, and be studying AP Style for the copy-editing job. But i'm stupid and poorly motivated.
I've seen some people at Blake, hung with a few friends, and gone out a little bit, but mostly I've spent my days sleeping, my evenings and nights with Grace, and time around that eating and stuff. Seeing family from time to time. Playing a decent amount of video games. Holidays have come and gone with enough joy to sufficiently keep me happy. It's a very enjoyable way to live. I wish it would last longer.
Important things to happen before break ends:
Keeping up with CN
finishing grace's application to Bucknell
getting info for classes
sleeping better
figure out stuff with Sarah visiting
see many more friends
party a lot
I really should be sleeping. But I'm nocturnal.
Fin.
PS: It needs to snow. It really really needs to snow.
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|
| A different pitter-patter |
[12 Dec 2006|06:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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playlist off laptop |
] |
I haven't written on LJ in forever. and this is a very bad entry to start back up on, but oh well.
Just now, about 2 or 3 minutes ago, my body did something i can't remember it ever doing. i was sitting in the comp chair, very calm and relaxed surfin on facebook. all of the sudden i couldn't see - the same kind of deal when i stand up too fast and don't breathe right at the same time. the slow blurring and closing in. at the same time, an episode of tachycardia occured (where my heart beats very hard and fast inexplicably). i wondered what was going on. i also concentrated on the feeling so i would be able to describe it. i felt incredibly leadened, and my toes and fingers felt very very tingly. i tried to breathe normally, because that makes my eyes work again. it didn't this time. i kinda wondered what was going on. i tried to say out loud "okay, is this going to shut off?" but i couldn't make my mouth or tongue work right. my head and chest hurt. it lasted about 20 or 30 seconds.
i'm not sure what to make of all this. the tingly, the heartbeat, and the vision loss have all happened before, but not concurrently. the headache and chest pain sometimes accompany either the tachycardia or the blurry sight. when things came back to normal there were tears down my cheeks i had not recollection of shedding. i'm only a little worried about all this, but i am worried. i haven't been to see a cardiologist in a while. i don't really feel like going, because i'm apprehensive about what would be perscribed or whatever. at the same time, i know anything i am told to do would be for the best.
maybe it's just exhaustion. it is 5am. anyway, i'm noting this event because i feel like my medical experiences and such should be documented. where to document all things Me? my lj, of course.
for those readers who actually see this and worry, don't. i'm not. i appreciate concern, but really, this is nothing, i think. just new is all. my heart has been doing funny things all night, like tachycardia mostly. and my eyes hurt. and i'm cold. so there are clearly a number of things that could have caused the coincidence of all the symptoms. i highly doubt i'm about to have a heart attack.
in other news, grace comes home wednesday. i can't wait to see here. we're still together, happier than ever with each other.
also, i find myself faced with a moral dilemma, the details of which i will not disclose on LJ. i only hope i do the right thing. i've vowed not to interfere, and if one of the involved parties wasn't invovled, said party would undoubtedly advise me not to meddle. in fact, in a very similar situation back in junior year, aforementioned party indeed advised me not to meddle and said that my meddling caused more drama than would have happened had i not tried to help. on the other hand, can i stand idly by and just let this happen? if it were me in that situation, i would wish someone warn me. whenever i find myself in situations like this, warning always is desired, for it helps immensely. and when i've intervened for others in similar situations, the results have on occaision been beneficial, sometimes incredibly beneficial. either way, it sucks. nothing i can do can make this situation good. only suck worse, or maybe more. and inaction is totally not my style.
i'm on winter break. life can't suck that much. and it's totally time for bed.
Fin.
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|
| She's My Everything |
[31 Oct 2006|10:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Losing Lisa-- Ben Folds |
] |
What a great weekend I had. Went home, saw grace all the time. Homecoming game was a terrible football game, but great fun seeing lots of people despite being soaking wet from rain. I borrowed my Dad's really cool black fedora. looks great on me. he let me keep it indefinitely. i'm soooo happy about that. totally made my day.
saturday morning and sunday morning grace crawled into bed with me to start off the day. it was wonderful to be able to wake up to her like that. lately i've been thinking about waking up like that every day. it would be so easy to just give in and declare ourselves together forever, but forever is so long. as it is, we've emotionally committed to each other on as deep a level as we can.
i should be getting ready to register for classes for next semester, but i've been putting that off, just like i've been putting off my enlgish essay. the prof gave them back today at last, and i still haven't turned mine in. i'm such a dumbass for that. oh well. this week i have that, a paper for IAR, and the constitution paper to turn in. bah. i should be writing papers instead of LJ entries. alas, i'm stupid.
other than that, though, school is great. i'm doing well for the most part, and i think i'll finish the semester with decent grades. i should anywho, there's no good reason why i shouldn't have an A in at least two classes. we'll see. semester ends soon, i guess. only a few weeks of actual classes left. they'll slide by while i nap and eat and procrastinate. that's one thing i can't put off: the passage of time.
radio show tomorrow, and i don't have an idea for a theme or a guest. oh well. actually, scratch that. people are going to be invited to share with us crazy halloween stories.
on that note, happy Halloween.
Fin.
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|
| An example of the path... |
[27 Oct 2006|03:13am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Peruvian Cocaine-- Immortal Technique |
] |
Less than a day till I'm with Grace. I'm very excited.
The Sojo paper is due Monday, and it won't be done by then. That's bad. But I can't make myself care right now, because I'll be spending the weekend with Grace. And there's essentially two classes in my way. The rest is going to slide by quickly. But it's late. And I'm busy. And I need to write my paper and go to bed then wake up and go to class then read some in the Zhuangzi or w/e it's called. Then I have class, then a lunch thing, and then I'm going home and sleeping the whole way.
I make bad choices in the short term, but good choices in the long run.
Fin.
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| Nothing lasts forever but the honest way... |
[25 Oct 2006|05:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Heard 'Em Say-- Kanye West feat. Adam Levine |
] |
The following appears on CNN.com today, and made me incredibly happy:
Same-sex marriage wins state battle
New Jersey's Supreme Court ruled Wednesday that same-sex couples are entitled to the same rights as heterosexual couples. "Committed same-sex couples must be afforded on equal terms the same rights and benefits enjoyed by opposite-sex couples," the decision said.
FULL STORY
Kick ass. Score one for New Jersey. They have 180 days to either write gay marriage into the laws, or to create civil unions with the exact same benefits/rights/etc as marriage. this is a step in the right direction.
Suck on that, Rev. Fred "Biggest Douche in the Universe" Phelps.
Fin.
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|
| It's not my fault! |
[25 Oct 2006|11:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Leeroy Jenkins Axel Foley Remix |
] |
On Friday I go home for Blake's homecoming. And I can't wait. I'm very very looking forward to this. And then after that is Spring Awakening, a play banned since the late 1800's about youth and sex. Featuring the lovely Nicole Fellows, in some sort of role. Which is cool.
I've spent far too much time not working the last two weeks. I've become more active on Cybernations, which is a prime reason for failure to complete assignments on time. Tomorrow Prof Carr is handing back the midterm essay, which I have yet to write. And my constitution paper is nowhere near ready to turn in. And it's over three weeks overdue. At least I'm staying caught up in the day-to-day in most classes. I could be a little better with the reading in Ed. and Sojo. And English. And even a little bit in IAR. Oh well. Can't do everything right.
But speaking of CN, they restuctured the Senate election system and reset the votes. now the legion is going to select Cabinet members and we're going to have new ones every month because the senate resets every 30 days.
last weekend was the Kanye concert. it was decent, but far too short and Kanye kept us waiting way too long. but what was there was amazing. i wish Ben could have been there with me. next time, maybe. anywho. Greg had a friend, named Zach by coincidence, up for the weekend to be at the concert. he was a cool dude, and i picked up a lot of music from him. i realized later that all the music i got from him was in the .m4a format and unreadable by either WinMedPlayer or Musicmatch, so I downloaded iTunes and have compiled a nice library of all my music on the comp, which sadly isn't a whole hell of a lot. there's so much music i have yet to rip form my CDs. i'll get to it eventually. maybe. but i picked up more ska, a FOB CD, and some random tracks, not to mention the Team America soundtrack, which so far has been delightful. and i ripped more of my own music, most natably the rest of the Immortal Technique Album which was giving me trouble. Now i'm going through the process of listening to new music and compiling new playlists and preparing vol. 3 and 4 of my workout mix collection. more ska, more rap.
posse has been good, working for the Bucknellian is paying out, and i'm having a blast on campus radio. show tonight, and we don't have a topic yet. we'll think of something. what else is going on? um... not sleeping a whole lot unfortunately. mostly because i'm up too late, and seriously, this CN addiction has gotten worse. and i don't want to break it. but eventually i might have to. oh well.
I'm also getting addicted to hot chocolate. It is yummier than coffee, cheaper than energy drinks, and warms me nicely. And that last one is important because it's getting cold here. very cold.
Lunch date with Nicole yesterday to edit her paper. Lunch date today with Sarah. Lunch date tomorrow with my laptop. Give me a call, maybe we'll do lunch. If i'm lucky!
I miss Grace obviously, but I also really miss other people. Like Sacco. And Scott. And Joel. And Jake. And other assorted Blake people. And my shoresh class. But I really really really miss my brothers. It was only in the last year or two that I really became friends with Ben. We got close far too late in our lives. He became more than my brother, he became my buddy, my pal, my compatriot, often my partner in crime. And I miss him a lot. His companionship, his conversation, his limitless wit. I miss talking with him, joking over dinner endlessly while our parents just wondered what the hell we were talking about, seeing him around school, looking out for him, making sure he's doing well, being there to be a good big brother. With the exception of my girlfriend, I'm looking forward to seeing Ben a lot more than pretty much everyone else.
We're already more than halfway through first semester here. Crazy.
Fin.
|
|
| At midnigt, rematch! |
[17 Oct 2006|06:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sun vs. Moon-- Sage Francis |
] |
Fall break ends tonight. Alas, it has been much fun. Spent time at home, with family from all over at Grammy's 80th birthday party. That was great. Then sunday i went down to St. Mary's to visit with Grace for a night and day. That was so much fun. we went to pretty spots on campus and then spent much time in her room hanging out and cuddling. we watched a movie, Troy, and hung with Lizzie some in her room. overall, i wonderful visit. i only wish it could have been longer.
back to school now. still have work to do. did essentially nothing constructive all of break. that was a mistake, but one made knowing full well how stupid it was. i'm a dumbass. but, i'm a dumbass with some good fucking hip-hop ripped and burnt from Ben over the weekend. Got some Immortal Technique, Blackalicious, Sage Francis, and Jedi Mind Tricks. and a copy of the Reel Big Fish live album from Sacco, whom I also saw this weekend. not a whole lot of becaus i was sleeping, but it's okay. he's doing well, i guess. i miss him.
Still sitting on those two papers. Not really any progress made on either. I'm a fucktard.
Fin.
EDIT: update on the campaigning for teh Cybernations Purple Team senate...
Princeps-
1) 1292 Votes - Lord Swampy of New Kaynistan
2) 311 Votes - Chancellor Makaryk of North Prussia
3) 244 Votes - Fonzoland of Fonzoland
4) 171 Votes - SocCarolina of SocCarolina
5) 105 Votes - ChatNoir of Terra de Chat
Praetor-
1) 746 Votes - ChatNoir of Terra de Chat
2) 368 Votes - Chancellor Makaryk of North Prussia
3) 311 Votes - Lord Swampy of New Kaynistan
4) 254 Votes - SocCarolina of SocCarolina
5) 181 Votes - Fonzoland of Fonzoland
Counslus-
1) 415 Votes - Chancellor Makaryk of North Prussia
2) 279 Votes - Lord Swampy of New Kaynistan
3) 218 Votes - SocCarolina of SocCarolina
4) 180 Votes - ChatNoir of Terra de Chat
5) 145 Votes - Fonzoland of Fonzoland
analysis: i've gained about 60 votes for princeps since campaigning started. Chat has gained about 40 votes for praetor, while Chancellor Makryk has only gained about 20 votes for counslus since our campaigning started, and i have no idea how many votes Phoenix has gained for Counslus. i can safely assume it's less than 40. however, estimates indicate that based on this compared to our past growth, this is more rapid than ever before. the New Dominion under my control only accounts for half a dozen votes per candidate. i can conclude, therefore, with some sense of authenticity, that our campaning has garnered perhaps 20 to 30 votes in the last week. this is more than Phoenix was getting before, so i can't complain. and it's possible that some of these people may vote again at some point. campaigning will continue.
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| Maybe she'll have me instead... |
[10 Oct 2006|10:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
I hate papers! |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Doesn't Matter-- Johnny Too Bad and the Strikeouts |
] |
While grace was here, we composed a poem using the fridge poetry magnets.
I have your love
so my one life
is full
the bed we use
naked always
drunk on sleep
and dumb
with the timeless night
i like this poem.
in other news, my cybernations PM campaign to reclaim the last senate seat for the New Dominion and secure further the first two has begun. The Don has become our PR director, and as such is action as campign manager. Through him, over 120 PMs were sent out this evening to the newest purple team members. We shall continue this campaign to every new purple team member from now on. even if only half of them vote only once for our slate, that's still 60 votes. and maybe half of those people will vote twice. that's 90. and if half of them vote a third time, that's 105. add that to the regular votes from the New Dominion (those under my authority, anyway) which in 15 days tally another 24 votes. North Prussia has just shy of 400 votes. the current tallies look like this:
Princeps:
1) 1233 Votes - Lord Swampy of New Kaynistan
2) 291 Votes - Chancellor Makaryk of North Prussia
3) 235 Votes - Fonzoland of Fonzoland
4) 165 Votes - SocCarolina of SocCarolina
5) 104 Votes - ChatNoir of Terra de Chat
Praetor:
1) 708 Votes - ChatNoir of Terra de Chat
2) 345 Votes - Chancellor Makaryk of North Prussia
3) 307 Votes - Lord Swampy of New Kaynistan
4) 249 Votes - SocCarolina of SocCarolina
5) 171 Votes - Fonzoland of Fonzoland
Counslus:
1) 398 Votes - Chancellor Makaryk of North Prussia
2) 275 Votes - Lord Swampy of New Kaynistan
3) 206 Votes - SocCarolina of SocCarolina
4) 176 Votes - ChatNoir of Terra de Chat
5) 136 Votes - Fonzoland of Fonzoland
Clearly, I am relatively safe in my princeps position. Mia, however, would do well to pull further away from North Prussia for us to feel secure with the Praetor position. And I have no idea how many votes Grace has for Counslus, but she should be getting more. As an interesting statistical experiment, I'd like to see how my cacmpaigning affects the polls. If Mia suddenly jumps up and I jump up and Grace becomes a contender, we'll know that it's working. And, accordingly, I'll probably increase my efforts and go back even further to nations created earlier. It's just a lot to do. I think I'll involved Grace some when she can regularly be on CN. Which should be starting tonight. So, the two of us will send out more mass mailings to the entire team to try to sway the ballots. I hope this works.
In real life news, I'm still procrastinating the Gender and Film midterm and the Sojo constitution paper. The latter needs to be drafted tonight. The former needs to happen at the absolute latest by Friday. This sucks. I hate writing long papers.
Now I'm counting down until this weekend, when I get to visit Grace for a few days.
Fin.
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| Falling even more in love with you... |
[09 Oct 2006|09:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Hanging by a Moment-- Lifehouse |
] |
Grace is here! I'm so happy. And it's almost disgusting. We make single people cringe and cry. And she's leaving tomorrow and I've had the most wonderful awesome time while she's here and I'm going to visit her next weekend on my fall break. We really should be at college together. it'd be awesome all the time. i hate having to do hw while she's here. on the plus, greg has been very understanding and accomodating and has largely given us as much space as we've needed. i've got a good roomie.
tonight was the Stop the Hate Rally. grace and i went. it was special.
Fin.
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| It's not my bar mitzvah... |
[08 Oct 2006|06:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Hi-Ball-- Skavoovie and the Epitones |
] |
Grace is here! Everything is awesome! Except that I have a really bad headache and two papers to write. Actually, 3. And I'm starting to feel a little bit nausious. But grace is here. How am i feeling crappy when grace is here? i've gotten plenty of sleep, believe it or not, and i don't know what's wrong. i've eaten well, i've not gotten hit in the head. i just feel bleh. headache, stomache ache. i've taken meds. this sucks. but grace is here. so it sucks infinitely less. bah. a pox on work and illness.
I laugh that greg is scared to enter the room now.
Fin.
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| I'll get you. I'll catch you. I'll kill you. I'll eat you... |
[05 Oct 2006|12:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
too much work! |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Skarmageddon Vol. 3 Disc 1 |
] |
radio show went well last night. lots of fun. as was the posse big meeting. crazy thunderstorm yesterday. yesterday also involved trying to set up an appointment for grace in admissions for monday. i'm going to get her a time today. i'm soooo excited! she'll be here tomorrow! yay!
until she gets here, i have soooo much work. Prof Carr gave me an extension on the midterm paper, bless her heart. which basically means my priority for the next 24 hours is my ed test. which means reading and studying all day today. then my priority is the constitution paper. that needs to get drafted asap.
i love ripping more ska from the radio station.
Fin.
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| I'll never get to heaven if I'm singing this song... |
[04 Oct 2006|11:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
overwhelmed! |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Point Counterpoint-- Streetlight Manifesto |
] |
OMG Too much work. Priority one: gender and film midterm essay. Due tomorrow afternoon. Condition: unstarted. Priority two: preparation for ed test. exam date: friday morning.
why am i online and not studying? not writing? not reading? man i'm dumb.
Fin.
Two days until Grace is here!!!!!
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| No one really knows... |
[02 Oct 2006|06:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 gorged on break-fast |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Little Hidden Secrets-- The Toasters |
] |
Just broke the fast for Yom Kippur. food rarely is as satisfying as when you've had none for 24 hours.
bought myself a kanye ticket today. show is on the 21st of oct. boosted. need to be doing work, not online. but i'm stupid.
was up very late talking to grace last night. at the hillel where i was doing my laundry after hours until like 4 or something. this was after watching the Godfather for Gender and film class. awesome movie. i want to watch the other two now, but i have soooo much hw. and i'm still procrastinating it all. bad me. three essays due this week. one huge fucking test. one essay due early next week. one due later. soooo much reading. how is this even possible? oh wait. i'm a loon, and procrastinate more than humanly possible. *sigh*
I called Sacco just a moment ago. He had very good news to tell me. Soon, I will have the same news for him. That's kinda interesting, in a way.
Four days from now Grace will be here. How am I supposed to wait?
Fin.
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| essay pwnd |
[29 Sep 2006|11:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
boosted! |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Othello-- Dance Hall Crashers |
] |
just got my first major writing assingment back in Asian Religion. got full marks. boost to my face.
this is going to be a hectic weekend, and i won't get nearly as much work done as i hope to. damn.
Fin.
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| Live Debut |
[28 Sep 2006|02:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
automation play, ie random jaunt |
] |
Greg and I just finished our first show on the radio. It was very very awesome. there was much ska played, a lot of good rock/alternative, and some decent rap. we had listeners IM us and talk to us and even two come in to the studio (sarah and lenore). i'm very happy with how that went. grace and grace were online talking to us. that was cool. also brandon.
in other news, wednesday was my 18th birthday. i feel.. legal? idk. not really any different. but i guess now i'm legally an adult. i usppose it's too gradual a change for me to really be able to tell any difference. i certainly don't always act like an adult. anywho, my birthday went relatively well. spent some time in student health services getting what i hope is my third and final treatment for my foot. did a lot of reading of the wrong book for Sojo, that's cool. did some research into the tunnels beneath the school. plotted some on that same subject. copy-edited, got a party in a box from mom, which meant party favors, napkins/plates/cups, and a homemade cake she mailed up to me. how cool is that? it was awesome. this evening after copy-editing sarah, greg, lenore, fox, and nicole took me out to dinner. it was really nice. the four McDonnellians showed up at my door and sang happy birthday. well, the girls did and it sounded wonderful, really nice. dinner was nice, at a little restaraunt just off campus. back to my room for some cake, and then ppl departed as greg and i prepared for our debut. helped Mike with his new cybernation. show was great, like i said. now i'm going back to the room soon and reading for an hour at least, or until i'm too tired to continue. all in all, a good day, as days go.
Eight days until Grace comes to visit!
Fin.
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